Creating a Calm Corner at Home

What is a Calm Corner?

A calm corner is a designated space in the home where a child can go to manage emotions, especially during times of stress or sensory overwhelm. This corner isn’t about isolation or punishment; rather, it is a positive, welcoming space filled with tools and activities to help the child relax and feel safe. The aim is for children to see it as a place to “reset” rather than a time-out.

Benefits of a Calm Corner

• A calm corner can serve several purposes, all aimed at building emotional resilience:

• A Safe Space: The corner provides a non-judgmental area for the child to feel safe and grounded.

• Developing Emotional Awareness: It encourages children to pause and identify what they’re feeling and why.

• Learning Coping Mechanisms: The activities and tools available can help them discover ways to self-soothe and re-focus.

• Improving Communication Skills: By learning to express emotions in this space, children gradually become more comfortable articulating their feelings with others.

Steps to Create an Effective Calm Corner

1. Choose the Right Location

Pick a quiet, low-traffic spot in your home to ensure that it’s peaceful. It should be a place that the child can access freely but isn’t isolated from the family. For instance, a corner of their bedroom, a space in the living room, or a nook under the stairs can work well.

2. Ensure Comfort

Equip the space with comfortable seating, like a bean bag chair, soft cushions, or a cozy blanket. Comfort is crucial in helping the child feel safe and at ease. You could even add a small rug to make the area warm and inviting.

3. Use Calming Colours and Lighting

Soft, soothing colours like blues, greens, or pastels can help create a calming effect. Avoid overly bright or stimulating colors. Consider adding a small, soft-glow lamp or fairy lights for gentle lighting, especially if the child uses this space in the evening. Natural lighting is also beneficial during the day.

4. Add Sensory Items

• Since many children find relief through sensory stimulation, adding sensory items can be very effective. Some helpful items include:

• Fidget toys (spinners, stress balls, or fidget cubes)

• Weighted blankets or lap pads, which can provide a sense of comfort

• Soft textures, like plush animals, pillows, or soft rugs

• Visual aids like liquid motion timers or calm jars filled with water and glitter, which children can watch to soothe themselves

• Aromatic elements, such as a mild lavender spray (but be cautious of strong scents, as they can overwhelm some children)

5. Include Calming Activities and Tools

Provide age-appropriate tools and activities that encourage mindfulness and relaxation:

• Mindfulness colouring books with crayons or coloured pencils can help with focus.

• Breathing cards or guided breathing exercises for children help them slow down their breathing, which can reduce stress.

• Emotion cards to help children identify and name their feelings.

• A small notebook or journal for older children to write down their thoughts or emotions.

6. Set Clear, Positive Expectations

Explain the purpose of the calm corner to your child. Make sure they understand that this space is for them to feel safe and in control, not as a punishment. Encouraging positive associations with the calm corner will make them more likely to use it effectively.

Teaching Self-Regulation Skills

Self-regulation is the ability to manage one's emotions, thoughts, and behaviours in various situations. Helping children develop self-regulation skills can be transformative for their emotional well-being. Here are some strategies for teaching these skills at home:

1. Practice Mindfulness and Breathing Techniques

Mindfulness exercises can improve focus, decrease anxiety, and build emotional resilience. Start with simple, age-appropriate breathing exercises, like counting to four while inhaling, holding for four counts, and exhaling for four counts. As the child becomes comfortable, they can use these techniques when feeling overwhelmed.

2. Model Self-Regulation

Children learn by watching their parents, so it's essential to model calm, controlled responses to stress. For instance, if you feel stressed, you might say, “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath and calm down.” Demonstrating these techniques shows your child that everyone experiences difficult emotions, and they can be managed.

3. Use Visual Aids for Emotions

Create an emotion chart that helps your child understand different feelings. They can use the chart to identify what they’re feeling, and it opens a discussion for why they feel this way and what might help them feel better.

4. Encourage Problem-Solving

Help your child understand that there are ways to address difficult emotions. If they feel frustrated or anxious, ask open-ended questions like, “What could make this feel better?” or “What can you do to feel calmer?” Encouraging problem-solving helps children take ownership of their feelings and fosters independence.

5. Praise Progress and Effort

Building self-regulation skills takes time and patience. Praise your child’s progress, even small steps. Acknowledging their efforts reinforces that it’s okay to struggle and that every attempt to manage their emotions is a positive step forward.

Supporting Self-Regulation in Schools

Parents can work with schools to create a consistent approach for self-regulation, especially since children spend a significant portion of their day at school. Here are some ways to foster communication and collaboration with teachers and school staff in England:

1. Communicate Specific Needs

If your child has particular self-regulation needs, it’s essential to communicate these with the school. Be clear and specific about what strategies work at home, what triggers your child might have, and any tools they can use at school to help manage emotions. For example, you might share that your child finds using a stress ball helpful or needs a few minutes of quiet time after recess to reset.

2. Request a Meeting with School Staff

Arrange a meeting with your child’s teacher, SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator), and/or school counseilor to discuss their self-regulation needs. In England, schools are required to consider pupils' mental and emotional well-being, and they may be able to make reasonable accommodations to support self-regulation.

3. Collaborate on a Self-Regulation Plan

Work together with school staff to create a self-regulation plan that your child can use throughout the day. This might include:

• A designated calm area in the classroom or nearby where the child can go when they feel overwhelmed

• Access to sensory tools or fidget toys as appropriate

• Regular check-ins with a teacher or teaching assistant to help the child identify and manage their emotions

4. Encourage Consistent Language and Cues

Ask the school to use consistent language and cues to help your child. For example, if you use specific words at home to help your child identify emotions or to signal when it’s time to take a break, let the teacher know so they can mirror this language. Consistency between home and school can make a significant difference.

5. Discuss Emotional Literacy Programs

Many schools in England offer programs to support emotional literacy, such as PSHE (Personal, Social, Health, and Economic) education. Ask the school if they are involved in any emotional literacy or mental well-being programs and see how your child might participate.

Supporting Self-Regulation Outside the Calm Corner

A calm corner can be an excellent tool, but it's also vital to teach self-regulation techniques that children can use anywhere. Here are additional strategies:

1. Establish Routine Breaks

Create regular opportunities throughout the day for your child to have a quick “reset.” Small breaks help prevent emotions from building up and becoming overwhelming. For instance, taking a five-minute break after homework or a few minutes of quiet time before bedtime can help them develop routines around self-regulation.

2. Encourage Physical Activity

Physical exercise can be incredibly effective in managing emotions. Whether it’s going for a walk, playing in the park, or practicing yoga, regular physical activity is proven to boost mood and relieve stress. Consider incorporating simple stretches or jumping jacks in your calm corner for times when your child feels particularly antsy.

3. Introduce Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations can help build self-confidence and calm negative thoughts. Write affirmations on cards in the calm corner or remind your child to use them when feeling overwhelmed. Simple affirmations like “I am calm,” “I am safe,” and “I can handle this” can reinforce resilience.

4. Develop Emotional Vocabulary

Helping your child build a broad emotional vocabulary can improve their ability to articulate what they feel. This practice makes it easier to address the emotion constructively. Try games like “Feelings Bingo” or “Emotion Charades” to practice naming emotions together.

5. Acknowledge and Validate Emotions

Children need to feel that their emotions are understood and accepted. Instead of telling your child to “calm down” or “stop crying,” try acknowledging their feelings. For example, say, “I can see you’re feeling upset. It’s okay to feel that way.” This approach builds trust and lets your child know that all emotions are valid and manageable. Validating emotions encourages children to express themselves openly, helping them build emotional awareness and resilience.

Practical Tips for Maintaining the Calm Corner and Self-Regulation Practices

Creating a calm corner is a significant first step, but consistency is key to embedding self-regulation skills. Here are some tips to ensure the calm corner and self-regulation techniques become lasting parts of your child’s routine:

1. Regularly Refresh the Calm Corner

Update the items in the calm corner to keep it engaging. You might swap out sensory tools, add new colouring pages, or introduce different fidget toys. Keeping the corner fresh and interesting helps children see it as a special place that meets their changing needs.

2. Encourage Routine Use, Not Just During Crises

While the calm corner is helpful during moments of stress, encourage your child to use it routinely, even when they feel calm. By spending time in the calm corner during positive moments, children learn to associate the space with relaxation and safety rather than only times of frustration or upset.

3. Reinforce Self-Regulation in Daily Activities

Incorporate self-regulation techniques into daily activities outside of the calm corner. Use phrases like “Let’s take a deep breath” or “How are you feeling about this?” during everyday tasks. These reminders can help children integrate self-regulation into various aspects of their life.

4. Involve Siblings and Family Members

If you have more than one child, allow siblings to engage with the calm corner and self-regulation techniques, or even create one for each child. Involving the whole family helps build empathy and understanding, as siblings learn to recognize and respect each other’s emotional needs.

5. Be Patient and Consistent

It takes time for children to develop self-regulation skills. It’s normal for them to need reminders and support, so stay patient. Gentle consistency, rather than strict enforcement, helps them see the calm corner and self-regulation practices as a natural part of life.

Addressing Challenges and Common Questions

How Do I Encourage My Child to Use the Calm Corner When They Resist?

If your child resists the calm corner, avoid forcing them. Instead, use encouragement and positive reinforcement to show them the value of the space. You might spend time with them in the calm corner, showing how the tools work or modelling relaxation techniques. Make it a place they want to visit by involving them in choosing items or decorating the space.

What if the Calm Corner Doesn’t Seem to Help?

Some children may need extra support beyond the calm corner, especially if they struggle with frequent or intense emotional responses. If the calm corner isn’t enough, consider exploring additional techniques, such as therapy, where they can learn specialised coping strategies. Collaboration with the school, and possibly a pediatrician or counsellor, can provide further insights.

Should I Limit Time in the Calm Corner?

The calm corner is meant for self-regulation, not isolation. While it’s essential to let your child stay as long as they need, if they start using the corner to avoid tasks or situations, gently guide them to find balance. You could introduce a timer, allowing five or ten minutes before they return to other activities.

The Importance of Educator and Parent Collaboration

Establishing open communication between parents and educators is crucial in supporting self-regulation skills, as children spend a significant amount of their day at school. Here’s how parents and teachers can work together effectively:

1. Share Insights from Home

The strategies that work at home may be just as effective at school. Share specific details with teachers, such as the activities and tools your child finds helpful in the calm corner. By doing so, you help educators understand your child’s unique needs and apply similar approaches within the classroom.

2. Emphasise the Calm Corner Concept with Teachers

Ask teachers if they have or could set up a similar “calm area” in the classroom. Many English schools have sensory-friendly spaces, but if not, advocating for a calm corner can make a difference for your child and others. Even a small, designated area with a few sensory tools can help children self-regulate during the school day.

3. Establish a Communication Plan

Set up a communication plan with your child’s teacher to discuss any challenges or progress in your child’s self-regulation skills. This might include periodic check-ins, a home-school journal, or scheduled emails. Keeping everyone informed and consistent is essential for meaningful progress.

4. Work with the SENCO and School Counsellor

If your child requires extra support, contact the school’s SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) or school counsellor. In England, SENCOs can provide guidance, tools, and sometimes even additional resources to support self-regulation. A SENCO might create a personalised support plan for your child, ensuring they have access to any necessary accommodations.

5. Encourage Schools to Foster Emotional Literacy

Advocate for emotional literacy programs in your child’s school. PSHE (Personal, Social, Health, and Economic) education is a standard part of the curriculum in England and often covers emotional health and well-being. If your child’s school hasn’t introduced a structured emotional literacy program, ask about potential opportunities for workshops or resources that teach self-regulation.

Additional Resources for Parents and Teachers

Several resources and programs in England can support parents and schools in fostering self-regulation in children:

• MindEd: This online resource offers free advice and support for parents, teachers, and caregivers about children’s mental health and emotional well-being.

• YoungMinds: A UK-based organisation that provides guidance on supporting children’s mental health. They offer information on self-regulation and coping strategies.

• Place2Be: This UK charity works within schools to provide emotional and therapeutic services, aiming to support children’s mental health.

Books and Tools

For children and parents alike, books and tools that focus on emotional well-being can be incredibly beneficial. Some suggestions include:

• Books: “The Colour Monster” by Anna Llenas and “In My Heart: A Book of Feelings” by Jo Witek are excellent children’s books that introduce emotions in relatable ways.

• Tools: Journals, emotion cards, or apps like Smiling Mind (a mindfulness and meditation app for kids) can help children and families build self-regulation skills together.

Final Thoughts

Creating a calm corner and supporting self-regulation in children are essential steps in helping them navigate life’s ups and downs. By teaching children these skills at home and collaborating with schools, parents can empower children to handle their emotions constructively. A calm corner is more than a quiet place; it represents a larger commitment to emotional resilience, well-being, and self-understanding.

As parents and educators, you play a critical role in modelling, supporting, and reinforcing these skills. Every moment spent helping children learn self-regulation is an investment in their future mental and emotional health. Working together, parents, schools, and communities can create environments where children feel supported, understood, and ready to face life’s challenges with confidence.